It is better to have loved and lost
All my life I desire someone to love, some one to call my own, and those days seemed as days that would never dear to show its head or simply to never come, I looked and saw lovers all around me and there expressions drove me to desire, even greatly the warmth and happiness that came along with having one’s soul completer. Someone to help me in the mornings to get ready for work, some to talk to when I feel hurt, someone to say or tell me how much I’m admired to express how greatly I’m worth.
When I again looked and saw the lovers who lasted through many generations, until they are now old, I desire also such a person, who would stand beside me as faithfully as to call my own,
I see them as they pass, old but still holding each others hand, confidently they walk and laugh as they even could barely stand and from the time of marriage until now, they still wear their wedding bands, as they cherish the words of the pastor that they are now forever one.
As these elders have lived and loved and never to stop beaming, looked into each other’s eyes as they were gleaming, to wake in the morning and to wonder if they are still dreaming, I wanted this for me also as my possibility, but the pain I feel when it (my desires) seemed so far from reality is unexplainable as it has no comparability.
I remember giving up on Love and decided to only love God, but in the back of my mind, I still wished that I had, I wish that that person would some how find me and to let me know the feeling of love or to somehow remind me. I was tormented at night as my dreams were frightening; sometimes I dreamt that God never placed a companion in my life’s story, when He was writing.
I was angry almost all the days of my life, I hated the morning and even worst the nights, I thought to myself that I deserved someone other than my self to stand in my life, I went as far as to believe that this should be my jurisdictional or even my God given Rights.
But God is so good to me, that He made what seemed so impossible to become a reality as He granted someone who would supposedly love me until the end, someone who would not only be a companion but also a friend, we walked and talked and shared our deepest secrets and promise to love forever, the bond we have we planned to cherish forever, an ending in sight as a possibility was never, the cords that bind us was unbreakable, never to be severed.
Those were some of the best days of my life, sadly they are now in the past, and three years and two months was how long it lasted, now its over if you may ask, I am searching for love again, this is my task and to find it is my dream, to find someone again to call my own, the one nobody else but my Queen.
I regret not a moment of the past although I wish that they did last, so I say, all in all “ It was better to have Loved, than to have never loved at all.